It's not easy for me at school. Fortunately, I'm doing fine with the education part, but it's the social part that's hard. It is not easy being a Christian in today's world - and actually living it out. So many kids in my school have 'Follower of Christ' or 'God Comes First' in their Instagram bios, but at school? You'd never know that. And when it comes down to it, how many of these kids would actually choose to truly live for Him?
I want to try to be a light. I want people to know that I believe in God at school. But you know what the problem is? It's school. You can only say so much in your faith. Then there are the kids I'm friends with who don't believe at all. And it's hard. Because I want to talk about what matters most to me - but I don't want to stir up an argument. I feel like some of my friends don't even know the real me. At school, I kind of feel suffocated.
Then, of course, you have your cliques. I feel like I don't belong to any one of them. I'm not necessarily a "nerd", and I'm not a "jock" either. I don't fit in to any of these because I'm different.
I don't want to be in a clique. I just want to be me and have friends for it. Friends who get my faith and all that. Will that happen? Probably not. I know that God can do anything, but unless some people are really quiet about their faith, I feel like I'm the only girl in my grade who wants to truly live out my life for God. And I want friends who support that.
Life gets hard. I'm kind of shy at school, but I can open up easily. I don't get why I try to be nice to everyone and truly care, and it feels like people never notice me sometimes. I don't get why being good at a sport makes you so popular, but if you're a good reader/musician/writer/actress/whatever it feels like sometimes kids ignore you. And it's hard.
And all this dating crap? I don't date now, and I certainly won't for quite awhile. But believe it or not, kids my age have already started "dating" long ago. Kids already "ask girls out". I totally don't agree with it, but sometimes I wished I could be "asked out more". And it's not because I want a boyfriend. *not now at least* But everyone wants attention like that. Everyone wants that option. But not everyone gets it.
And it's hard sometimes when you don't get that attention from boys, from other kids, on social media, etc. But you know what else?
It's okay not to have that right now. If it's because I'm quieter, because I believe in God, because I can't play for all the traveling basketball teams, good. I want the attention that's going to turn lives for God, not this cheap, worldly crap.
I have felt insecure so many times over this, but I'm proud to say I don't anymore. Attention or no attention, that does not change my worth and my talents, and that does not change yours either. God is for us more than anyone else on this earth ever will be. If any of you feel ignored, not noticed, not getting full credits for your talents, just stop worrying about it.
You have talents. You have worth. Whether people notice that or not is their loss. We're too young to be worrying about dating, but it can never hurt to start praying for your special guy, because he's out there.
You know what guys? If only one person realizes my talent or one million, it honestly does not matter to me. I have learned that my talents belong to God anyway because He made me. And God will use me one way or another. Sometimes, we have to be patient. I've stopped caring what people think of my blog, my writing, me in general. Don't like me? Don't talk to me. Don't like my blog? Don't read it.
Honestly, the hardest part is the friends. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but honestly, again, sometimes I wonder how much my friends really know about me. Sometimes I wonder how much they care about this mission I'm on. And if they don't believe in God, they probably don't. They might believe in me, but I don't want them to. I could not do anything without God. That's just the truth. The quotes of the world, "Believe in yourself!" and "You can do anything you put your mind to!" are so pathetic. How could you ever find comfort in these? Believe in yourself? You can do anything you put your mind to?
NO YOU CANNOT!
That's only if it's God's will, and anything that's His will is only done with His help.
My point in this post is not to make it look like I need to see a counselor, and I'm not depressed and I'm not upset with going to school and I don't need to talk to anyone and I'm not hiding anything that needs to be shared with an adult.
My point is that there is hope. For kids like me: It will get easier. You have to know that God has a plan. You have to live for Him, even if it means not "dating" a super cute boy/girl who just asked you out. Because you know what? We will be rewarded. In fact, there are quite a few Bible verses that state that.
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6 ESV
As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life. 1 Timothy 6:17-19
For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do. Hebrews 6:10
Knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord. Ephesians 6:8
These are just a few of the Bible verse that tell us about reward, but don't just do good to get a reward. That will not be rewarded. It will be nothing but frowned upon. There is hope for us Christians, easily. This is not our temporary home, heaven is. Always be a light, but never blind someone with your light or force it into their eyes. Know that greater things await you.
God promised (and He keeps His promises) a good plan for you. I'm just here to share that. I'm here to be real on this blog. I don't want to be fake. I am not going to sugarcoat my life because sometimes I do get upset, but I can honestly say I love my life. But it's far from perfect. However, I don't want to be a complainer and complain about my life. I want a balance. I want to address the problems I face, but I also want to address the good in life. You should, too.
Instead of saying I believe in you, I'm going to tell you this: I believe that God has a good plan for your life. I believe that He will take care of you, and I believe that your faith can get you through this world.
// Ashlee Mae