Tomorrow is the last day of school.
I can't wait. First, summer. Duh. But I need to renew so much. Academically this year has been great except for my horrifying art skills, but per usual, socially it has been much harder.
Some days I feel on top of the world. I feel like I'm finally dealing with my emotions, and I feel like I'm totally confident in my worth in God and His plans.
But then there are days where it all is a train wreck. My emotions slide everywhere... I doubt everything about me possibly being a good Christian...though I know it's not about works, but sometimes I feel like I'm doing nothing to be a light. But I know these are lies from Satan. I believe him way too much, and I've got to work on that.
At the end of the day, I trust in God. I submit to Jesus. Sometimes I think all I do is judge people and expect too much. Then I feel like is it really that hard to find someone I can just get real with in my faith and not scare them to death. I'll be honest, I'm a deep person. I love to have fun, but I really like talking about deep things. I love talking about my faith. I love talking about things most people shy away from. But I have to be careful and respect others' boundaries. But what I want is to find one person my age who also feels the way I do.
So I keep persevering. I keep trusting God when I can't trust anyone else.
There is one day left of school. It will be okay. This life is such a temporary one that it's ridiculous to get so frazzled about things. But that's what I do, anyway. I've got a lot to learn, but I keep persevering.
This post was kind of everything, and I'm sorry for ranting and what not. I just want you to know you're not alone in the trials you face. I face them too. And I'm a screwed up sinner just like you. But I've been saved by grace, and I'm so thankful.
This post kind of had everything in it. I thought about writing about other thoughts I have, but I'll save them. I'll tell them to God.
It's a confusing world. There are so many Christians with so many different opinions, and a lot of them aren't even submitting to God, and it's so hard to know what is right anymore or what is judging too much or expecting too much and so on. I could have wrote about all of those doubts I have. Instead, I'm just going to ask for your prayers. That's what I need. I want to pray for you, too, so please get in touch with me somehow and let me know how I can pray for you.
There are so many things even Christians fight about. They fight about what TV shows to watch.... Should you go to church or should you not.... I mean, the list goes on, and it's confusing because we all have different opinions.
Just submit to God. Really submit to Him. Ask Him to convict you where you need to be. Ask Him to let you take criticism, even if that means giving up a TV show you like because it's not good to watch. Just think about how much of a better world it would be.
I don't have all the answers, guys. Some days I think I get more confused than I learn. So I submit to Him. I want what God wants. If that means I have to quit listening to a song I like with a bad message, so be it. If I have to lose a relationship with someone because I confronted them out of love, I'm all for it. I want what God wants. Some days this is easy to do. Some days I'm walking up a hill very slowly. But I just keep walking.
Some days I walk into problems. In a literal way, that would mean bees. Unfortunately the walking into problems thing happens a lot (especially with bees!!!), but I can't run away (like I have done a million times with bees). I must pray and seek God's will. There was a time I literally had to pray Bible verses over my fear of bees. I'm not even kidding. Don't laugh at me; the fear is real. ;)
So yeah. I know this was a deep post, and for some of you, I know those aren't your favorite. I'm sorry, but I just needed to share this. If anything, just so you know you're not alone, and I will pray for you. Keep walking that hill. You won't die; God has you. Unless, of course, you get stung by a bee. Be safe, friends. But even then, cry a little, or a lot, and shake it off. (Literally. SHAKE THE BEE OFF.) Try again tomorrow. God forgives you. He loves you. Seek His will. You're going to be okay.