2019 was a pivotal year for me. I think it was one of my better ones, not that it was always easy, of course, but I thank God for providing me with so much this year. His blessings come in all sorts of ways and are not always in the likeliest of places or where you’d expect to see His work. I’m actually really excited to recap this year. It’s always entertaining to go back and read old blog posts I’ve wrote (and cringeworthy, sometimes, not going to lie, since I started so young), but it’s also something I thank God for because with consistent writing and journaling comes the potential for self-reflection, and if you want to actually get serious about your goals, dreams, or just living a better lifestyle all around, you have to start there. You have to humble yourself enough to see what God wants you to learn right in front of you and realize that a better lifestyle doesn’t necessarily come with completing a bunch of goals but with shifting your attitude, perspective, and actions to line up with His will. I will write more on this when I share my new year’s goals in my next post, as this is one of those things 2019 taught me big-time.
So, where to start… Well, we’ll obviously start with January, but I feel like there is so much more I want to say about this year. Part of me is in awe, to be honest, because this was my first year of consistently journaling, though I had a spurt in 2018 where I did a lot, then didn’t, and then started up consistently again right towards the end of 2018. And it was honestly amazing to see some of the answered prayers but more than anything to go back to certain times and analyze why I was so moody or so down and LEARN FROM IT. That’s such a gift. So many people keep making the same mistakes but then complain why their life doesn’t change and mistakenly rely on circumstances and such to fix their lifestyle. But it doesn’t work that way. And I’m thankful it doesn’t work that way because the amount of insight God has shown me about myself, my issues, and where I want to be has been profound for me to reflect on because I want to change the things I can now to live a more abundant life for His glory, and that is never dependent on circumstances. So while I am going to be setting goals for 2020, I’m taking a much different approach and perspective with them this year, and I will definitely go into more detail about that in my next post.
For now, I’m thrilled to get into this recap. I haven’t been this excited about a blog post in awhile and honestly didn’t think I was going to have that much to say about 2019, but after reflecting on it all I found out how much the opposite is true.
It all started when I was looking back at my old yearly recap posts. In my 2015 recap post here, notice how the first line was “2015 was amazing.” Then, if you read my recap of 2016 here and 2018 here (I didn’t do one for 2017 because that was when I took way too long of a break from blogging for personal and technical reasons and a myriad of other things, but 2017 was actually a really good year when I think about it), I take a much less upbeat approach about the years. Not that there’s anything wrong with that because both of those years had legitimate reasons why they were hard, but it was one of those things that intrigued me as I read it because I thought to myself, okay, I’m still the same person but growing, still living the same lifestyle but with new trials and joys here and there…so what really changed? Was it actually a “hard” year, or was it a perspective issue?
There’s a fine line when it comes to that of course because as I said, some trials are very hard and painful, like at the end of 2018, when my aunt passed away. But I am a firm believer that perspective changes everything, that even the hardest of years can still be beautiful with God at the center of them.
I think 2019 was one of those years where I finally was sick of entertaining negative mindsets and wanted to change in any way I could to get rid of them, and I think it’s good to get to that point, as that’s when you’ll finally surrender to God and let Him show you what to do. I’m thankful to God for 2019 as it was filled with memories, answered prayers, and so much insight about what He wants from me going forward.
In my 2016 recap post here, I shared my ideas of having a word that summarized each year and assigned one from the years 2013 up to 2016. I didn’t ever get to assign one for 2017, but if I had to now as I think about it, I would say hope. That year was hard for me mentally as I had some anxiety surface about various issues, but through it all I was reminded of the hope I have in God and His sovereign control over my life despite my mental state. Also, a lot of wonderful memories and events transpired in that year, too, almost warranting me to go back and do a recap of that year, now that I think of it. I have blog post ideas for the rest of my life, though, considering all the journal content I want to recap and all God has revealed to me over the years. I never thought I would say this ever in my life, but time and waiting really are a gift. There were things I just couldn’t grasp in 2016 that are finally starting to make sense now, with a more mature perspective.
2018 could be preparation, as I think this began a period in me where I did finally challenge the thoughts I think, and I also got some foretastes and assurances of the things I had been dreaming about for my writing, education, etc. I also started blogging again and re-established my voice and where I want to take this blog.
2019 is hard for me to describe in order to properly label the mix of everything I learned, but after looking at some new year words, I think I’m going to go with trust. That is something I had to learn over and over again, was to trust God, but I also had some really cool moments that came about to show me what can happen when I just let go. It was moments that were answered prayers and came a lot sooner than I would have thought, and 2017 actually had a lot of moments like that, too. But enough on this, and let’s get into actually going over it so I can describe what I mean by all this talk about lessons learned and answered prayers.
January
The year started on a solemn note with the end of 2018 bringing about grief. Nevertheless, my family still found ways to enjoy life and have hope, and we went to a few hockey games that were so much fun. That puts how fast the year went into perspective because I can honestly remember the beginning of this year like it was yesterday. Near the end of the month, winter got crazy here in Iowa, and there were some other situations that got pretty stressful, so I wasn’t all that sure how to feel about the new year for awhile. However, this would be the month where something I had journaled about clear back in the summer of 2018 came to be, and I was very humbled by what God brought about and how specifically it was related to those numerous journal entries of me whining about never getting it. I did a heavy amount of journaling the first few months of the year, and those are eye-opening to me to read even now because even though God did this wonderful thing and answered my prayer, I found out life is about more than just getting what I want. Because out of that came some character issues of mine that were bright to light and that I had to struggle with for the majority of half the beginning of the year. However, it proves to me how God wastes nothing because I have detailed records of all of that, and with each journal entry, I can tell He was growing me. We also got to have a nice weekend with family up in Estherville, and I think that was a blessing to all be together after what had recently happened.
February
We started the month by eating out, my parents and me. I remember it was at this time, in the middle of some stresses, where I felt a peace about things and wrote out specifically what was causing that. I’m learning, though, that I have to focus on God. Notes like that are insightful, but I’m always writing them when I feel close to Him, so when I’m upset and go back to read them, that’s not enough to fix me. I have to go to Him. The winter was stressful and crazy here in Iowa, though, but when I start blogging about my journal entries from this time, I’ll share with you all what that sort of season taught me and how it’s bettered me now. I turned 16!
Highlights on the blog from this month:
How to Love People and Show Mercy
The Most Impatient Girl Is Learning Patience—How?
March
I went to a concert with my family, went to more hockey games, and then we also got around to going shopping for my birthday, since we didn’t get to in February with the weather. The wait was worth it, though, as I think it was one of my best trips ever. Then when I went in for a haircut, Mom talked about having her do some curls in my hair, and I was in love with the results. I didn’t have anything planned where I could really show them off, so unfortunately nobody really saw my hair that way, but it was nice to know I could always get my hair done like that in the future.
Highlights on the blog from this month:
The Most Inspirational Days of My Life
April
In April, the Iowa Wild made it into the playoffs, so we had LOTS of hockey games. I think I journaled the most over the course of this month. Just so much struggling with my emotions, but now, thinking back on it, I can dissect the underlying issues of all of that, and that’s what I’m going to blog about later and how God has been revealing those things to me. It’s painful at the time, but it really is for your good. And out of that, I began writing some new scenes for a book I had actually planned on making my second novel clear back in 2016, but then I decided to go with a different storyline. However…now I almost wished I would have gone with the other one because it is so deeply personal to me, and I think it has such urgent themes for this society and time in the world. But again, God wastes nothing, and the book I am so close to finishing has its share of relevant themes, too. I think I’m just sick of it because I’ve been spending way too much time on it and overthinking, something I am also learning to let go of. 🙂
Highlights on the blog from this month:
May
Another thing I’ve noticed God is faithful to do is bring along “breaks” in a way, from pain. Like those moments where you can just stop focusing on it so much and be surrounded by environments that are more carefree and easygoing. An example of this came about in May, when my cousin Kir graduated from Iowa, and since we only live an hour away from Iowa City, my mom and I went to go see her walk, and then we all got to spend time together at the hotel that night. I wish every night could be like that, but I know that’s part of what makes them special in a way. And while I think I definitely have some underlying issues I have to work on, I do believe some seasons are just harder than others, and I think the season I’m in now, being in my stifling high school and small town, is just one of those. That’s not really anyone’s fault, either, it’s just how it is, because I am so ready to get out and explore the world, to finally start making these dreams I’ve had since I was young a reality, but right now I’m in that stage where there’s not a whole lot I can do about them, and just being more advanced and ready like that sets me apart from my peers, I think, and still makes it so difficult to feel like I fit in. I definitely have so much confidence and freedom and joy with being true to myself, but that doesn’t mean it never gets old, feeling like nobody understands that or not having anyone I truly click with. So just nights like these, when I’m with Kirsten, who loves to go out and explore and take photos as much as I do, allows me to be more of my carefree self and have fun and not be stuck in my head so much. And I know more of that will come in time, but it’s just hard, waiting for that.
Highlights on the blog this month:
June
I got to spend a lot of time with family, first by being with my grandparents for a week, and then by going on an amazing trip with my mom, cousin, and aunt. That trip was also wonderful to give me a taste of life beyond just my small town, and I finally got to do and experience some things I’d only been dreaming of, so it was very humbling. I also got to witness firsthand, though, how just living by those things isn’t the key to a joyful life, as so many tend to think.
July
We finished and returned from that amazing trip, and once I got home I very quickly had to make a choice about how to think and learning to trust God once the high of those events has gone away. I also got my wisdom teeth out this month, so I had surgery for that, and it all went very well, thank God. That’s something I also plan on dedicating a post to in the future; I honestly have so much content to share, I’ll be playing catch-up the rest of my life.
August
During the summer, we got to make a couple more trips up to see family, and I started junior year. I have to say, while high school is still a struggle for me, my junior year has been going about as well as it could. I’ve gotten to actually meet a lot of new people this year in my classes, and I’m thankful for that. It definitely makes the days go by a lot easier when there’s kind, fun people to talk with. I actually do love to talk, contrary to what a lot of people think, and I really get to shine with the right people. At the very end of the month, we also had been planning for all of my extended family to go to a Hawkeye football game with my grandparents because my grandpa is a huge Hawkeye fan, as well as several others in my family, and he had not been to a game at Kinnick Stadium before, so we wanted to be able to help him cross it off his bucket list! Again, this is a topic I will be writing a whole post on because I have quite a bit of observations to share from it. I know, I say that with literally everything, but that IS what a lifestyle blog is about. 🙂
September
My family made me go camping with them this month! Like the full camping idea, in a tent, out in the woods, at a campground. I actually did have fun, though camping is the furthest thing from me. This will also be getting its full post eventually. 🙂 My brother did football this year and really enjoyed it, so I went to a lot of his games also.
October
This month was one of the more exciting ones. My family went camping again but this time in a cabin up north, but I stayed with my grandparents haha and enjoyed that time as always. Then when I got back, Mom accompanied me on my first college visit! I have been thoroughly researching colleges since my freshman year of high school, in part because I’m a planner and crave that knowing of where I’m going in life but also just because I enjoy it. I know a lot of kids my age hate thinking about their future, but nothing excites me more. This is something I’ve learned to be careful with, though, just to make sure I don’t live for whatever the next thing is. However, I think it’s a good thing to be investigating postsecondary plans, and this is actually something I’m going to share more about, is my process of narrowing down schools or other ideas for your future because I’m very passionate about it and have enjoyed doing it for myself, and I think I’ve learned a lot along the way of how to best go about that.
Anyway, I’ve been considering Iowa State as a school forever, honestly; in fact, it’s probably the school I’ve been thinking about longest. I know college is absolutely not for everyone, but for my case it’s something I definitely am going to do, and I always have found it funny, how I’m a Cyclone, but everyone else in my family is a Hawkeye. When they asked me why, ever since I was little, I could never really tell them. One of my first friends was a Cyclone fan, but I still stayed with them long after that friendship was over, and I still can’t really explain why. I have fond memories of Ames, though, of going over there with my grandma, and also I got to visit the campus twice in middle school for this Women in Science event that our school had us girls go on. I just always thought it was beautiful and full of possibility. And plus, on our way to Estherville, we always get on the interstate right on the outskirts of Ames, so I don’t know if that contributes to it some also, but long story short, it just has felt like home or like that would be a good place for me. I guess we’ll just say God instilled it in me because before going on this visit, I had narrowed down my selection of other schools to Ames, and thankfully, when I went on my visit, I was not disappointed at all. In fact, it was like opening me up to a whole other world…but much, much more on this to come later and how I went about choosing it as my top school.
Oh, and a week after our visit, Mom and I received tickets from her friend to a Hawkeye game as they were not going…so that was cool, except we got rained on haha. My mom turned 50 on Halloween, so we wanted to do something extra special to celebrate her day, so she and I went to Des Moines together for the day and had a blast. Those are definitely the days that color a life.
November
November was a lot more low-key but still enjoyable, and my workload from school settled down a lot with the new trimester. I went back to Ames on another visit! This time, instead of the full daily visit we had went on in October, I had been emailing with an adviser in another department I want to get a major in, and we had set up an appointment with her. Once again, I was in awe of the opportunities and impressed by their insight. It was still like entering another world. Plus, we had time before this meeting, so Mom and I had a ball at the Target in Ames! Target is a big deal for us—our town is much too small to have one. They also have this dangerous bookstore on campus in that every time Mom and I arrive we buy things…
December
This was another really good month and a great way to end the year. I went with Mom to a Christmas concert in Des Moines that was really nice, and then later in the month we went to our theater and saw the latest Jumanji movie, which was hilariously excellent; I can’t wait until it releases on digital. We also explored our downtown for awhile, and a nice couple took our picture in that cute gazebo. Christmas was special with all of my family, and I was so grateful for all the blessings I had received. That is actually a topic I plan to write about, too, is how that contributes to perspective. When we went up to Estherville, I drove almost the whole way! That had been on my bucket list for awhile, so I was glad I finally did it. It was my mom’s new car, too, and the first time it had made its full trip to Estherville, so I felt honored to be driving it, haha.
I have a lot more I’m going to write in more detail about in the future, starting with my goals for the new year. I’m trying to take a different approach in how I view them, which I will write about. I know I said I learned a lot but didn’t go as in-depth with it because I have individual posts for many of those things planned. I pray you all have a wonderful and blessed 2020, and as always, share with me your thoughts and prayer requests in the comments below!
